Epic?

The Epic Lie Ride


Today I was riding with a racing rain stripe down my back.

It all started with an invitation to a ride. Was I physically ready to go on a group ride? Of course, not! What are you thinking? But the ride was supposed to be "short and slow" (kind of like me), so I decided to go along.

I was standing in my driveway trying to remember how to put the bike rack on the car when the sprinkle, which has dwindled to nearly nothing, suddenly turned into a full fledged rainstorm. But it wasn't raining where we were going to ride. But we were told it wasn't raining where we were going to ride, so I stood in the pouring rain and put bike on the rack (earning a very admiring incredulous look from a guy driving past me.

Sure enough, it actually was raining where we were going to ride, but we rode anyway. We are hardcore slow and out of shape and didn't want to pass up the chance to ride.

The conditions for the ride were laid out ahead of time: it would be slow, 20 miles and flat. It was actually 25 miles, and it wasn't flat, but it was definitely slow. The original list of riders got trimmed down to just the 3 most determined craziest, and off we went.

Actually, it was a great ride. No, wait. That part's true. Actually it was a great ride. I got to catch up with some people I hadn't seen for a long time, we chatted, we got our blood flowing, we got cold, we got wet, we got miles. We just didn't get them very rapidly.

Things we talk about on rides:

• dogs
• belief that not every single detail of someone else's dog story is competely accurate
• rain
• anatomy
• pain
• bikes
• people who aren't on the ride
• liguistics
• religion
• politics
• scatological references
• riding technique
• hills
• wind
• technology
• how great it is to be riding
• lies we will tell to other people about the ride they missed
• chemistry
• family life

And so on.

Come with us next time.

It'll be epic.

Really.

I Am Dry

Somehow there is a difference between commuting because you want to and commuting because you have to. Either way it’s still a bike ride, and that’s a good thing, but if you’ve ever been in the position of being forced to commute, you probably know what I mean.

Today I was more or less forced to commute.

Excuse me, I can hear someone politely interrupting, how can you be more or less forced? Either you are forced or you aren’t.

Yes, that’s a good point. How about this, then…for reasons beyond my control, it was a really good idea for me to commute today.

We’ll accept that.

Thanks. Now, the weather was a pretty nice 54 degrees Fahrenheit out there and not much wind, so what’s the difficulty? It is going to rain today. The question of exactly when it will rain was still open for consideration when I left home, and I was rather hoping the question would get stalled in committee until after I got to work.

I was a bit miffed when I left home. I admit it. The end result of this was that I kicked hard going out of the driveway. The hill just down the road loomed over me, but I stood up and powered up it, barely losing any pace at all. My legs, who hadn’t been expecting this sort of thing when they woke up, registered a complaint, but we kept going.

I was about halfway to work when I suddenly asked myself why I was going so hard. I had plenty of time, so why not slow down and actually enjoy the ride? Now that was an excellent question, even if I do say so myself, and I liked it so much that I did slow down.

Now that I was going so hard I had time to look around me. I could see the trees and the grass, the road kill and the sky which was full of heavy full bellied gray clouds. In fact, these clouds were hanging low and looked distended like bags filled with water just about to the bursting point.

Oh, yeah. That was why I had been keeping up a good pace. I was racing the rain. Well, now that I had slowed down, I just wasn’t all that inclined to speed back up again, so I didn’t.

There was a small shaggy dog that raced out after me. I’ve had meetings with this dog before, but this time I was on the opposite side of the road and traffic was heavy enough that he wouldn’t be coming out after me.

I watched a guy in the left lane slow down and stop. He wanted to turn left, which meant he would have to cut across my path. Now, I am never entirely sure that people doing that sort of thing see me when I am on the bike (a healthy concept, I’m sure) but I could hear a car coming up behind me, and I was pretty sure he saw that car. As the car passed me, I kicked the pace up just long enough to let the car shield me as we passed the driveway the guy wanted to turn in to. I don’t know if this was a good idea or not, but I’m here writing this now, and that must count for something.

The first raindrop hit me. It was a big one that splashed right on my nose. There were no others for quite some time. I finally spotted the school I work at just as the second raindrop hit me about ten minutes later. Slow storm.

Raindrops three, four and five hit me as I was turning into the parking lot. Now, the fact that I could count them either means that that the drops were falling quite some time apart or that I was going really really fast. You may choose the option you like best. Me, too.

The closest brush with a car did not occur on the busy road I traveled to get to work but in the parking lot, where a lady driving a two seater convertible sports car which apparently handles very badly indeed was apparently unable to stay on her own side while going around a traffic island and came close to scraping me off my bike.

I made it in with only a few more raindrops hitting me and, hey, what do you know, more or less forced or not, it was a good ride, just like they all are.

See you on the road.

It's Raining Again

The temperature is in the low thirties and it’s raining. I am not riding today. Cold is okay. Rain is okay. Cold rain is definitely not okay, so I am sitting at my computer listening to the song Summer by Joe Hisaishi. This is presumably wishful thinking on my part.

I have a learned a few things from riding in the rain in the past.

1. People will think you are crazy if you ride in the rain.

Now, I’m used to getting the freakshow look just for riding, but the interesting thing about riding in the rain is that a lot of other cyclists will think you’re crazy. This is a new experience.

2. Cars can’t see you as well in the rain.

I don’t suppose this one comes as a surprise to anybody, but it kind of hangs around in the back of my mind anyway.

3. Pacelines are no fun in the rain.

There are a few reasons for this, but one of the big ones is that the back wheel of the person in front of you is not your friend. That wheel will send up a spray of dirty oily water from the road. If you happen to be my height and ride in a standard sort of posture, that spray will h it you directly in the face. Some of it will go into your eyes, and some of it will go into your mouth. This is not delicious.

4. Your glasses will get very difficult to see through.

Anyone who wears glasses in the rain knows what I’m talking about, but what is merely annoying while you’re walking around is dangerous when you’re riding. Okay, if you’re as clumsy as I am, you might walk into a tree, and this would be bad. Riding into a tree, however, would be worse.

5. Your own back wheel is not your friend.

The spray that your back wheel is sending up into the face of the person behind you is also getting sent up your very own back. It will leave particularly cold and wet streak down the back of your jersey and down the back of your shots all the way down to the part of you that is in contact with the saddle.

What, you might ask, is the big deal? You’re in the rain. What difference can a little more water make?

A lot, as it turns out. This particular streak of water is somehow wetter than the other water which is falling all around you. Don’t ask me to explain this. I’m not a scientist.

Well, actually, I am a scientist, but I don’t do weather, so I still can’t help.

6. The rain makes everything slippery.

Every bit of paint on the road becomes as slippery as ice. The paint clogs up the pores in the road, the water pools up on top of it and your wheels, whether they are your friends or not, can slide out from under you with the greatest of ease.

Which brings us to a good thing about the rain:

7. The rain makes everything slippery.

This means that, if you do happen to hit the deck, you can slide across the wet asphalt without leaving so much hide on the road and covering yourself with road rash.

And of course:

8. On a hot day, the rain will cool you off nicely.

Of course:

9. On a cold day, the rain will make you miserable.

And, as I write this, it is a very cold day, which is why I'm sitting here and not in the saddle getting wet.

Still, it'll dry out eventually.

See you on the road.